a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
