Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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