covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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