these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
