i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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