Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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