That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
