Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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