If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
