How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
