I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
