one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
