Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
