When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
