Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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