If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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