I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
