not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
