Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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