Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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