No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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