Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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