Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
