Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
