i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
