I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
