I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
