I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
