Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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