i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
