I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
