Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
