I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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