giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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