He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
