Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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