Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
