who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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