I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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