and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
