those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
