with your own penis?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
