Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just googled if crying burns calories
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
