i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
