Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
