I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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