you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
