Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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