It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
