ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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