Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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