He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
