Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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