; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
