did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
