You made me cry and you don't even care
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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