she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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