Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
