Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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