I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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