I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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