apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
