you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
