youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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