i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
