Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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