we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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