I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
