how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
