so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
