Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
