omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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