She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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