did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
