She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
