last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
be right there i have to get my cape
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
