the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
