she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
