I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Less talking, more tequila
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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