idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
